webmaster
2 years ago
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. Mae West
- Mae West funny
webmaster
2 years ago
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
- Mae West funny
webmaster
2 years ago
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
- Mae West funny
webmaster
2 years ago
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
- Mae West funny
webmaster
2 years ago
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before
- Mae West funny
webmaster
3 years ago
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
- Rodney Dangerfield funny
webmaster
3 years ago
One year they wanted to make me a poster boy -- for birth control.
- Rodney Dangerfield funny

webmaster
3 years ago
I went to the doctor because I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
- Rodney Dangerfield funny
webmaster
3 years ago
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said: "Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."
- Rodney Dangerfield funny
webmaster
3 years ago
I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
- Rodney Dangerfield funny
webmaster
3 years ago
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
- Rodney Dangerfield funny
webmaster
3 years ago
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?” He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
- Rodney Dangerfield funny
webmaster
3 years ago
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.
- Rodney Dangerfield funny
webmaster
3 years ago
I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.
- Rodney Dangerfield funny
webmaster
3 years ago
I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
- Rodney Dangerfield funny






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