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about a year ago
Jack Whitehall – “I'm sure wherever my father is, he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
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about a year ago
Tommy Cooper – "Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
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about a year ago
Sarah Millican – "I saw a pair of knickers today – on the front it said, 'I would do anything for love' and on the back it said 'but I won't do that.'"
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about a year ago
Jimmy Carr – “A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘Alright, but we won’t get much done.”
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about a year ago
Ross Noble – “How come Miss Universe is only ever won by people from Earth?”
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about a year ago
Milton Jones – “I was mugged by a man on crutches, wearing camouflage. Ha ha, I thought, you can hide but you can’t run.”
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about a year ago
Jo Brand – "The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife."

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about a year ago
Bob Monkhouse – “I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.”
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about a year ago
Ken Dodd – “I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.”
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about a year ago
Woody Allen – “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.”
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about a year ago
Joan Rivers – “All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”
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about a year ago
Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes - Tim Vine
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about a year ago
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then he made the earth round... and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
webmaster
about a year ago

Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."
The wife replies, "The ass had a paper route."
webmaster
about a year ago

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples...'






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