A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He wanted a tan without a tan line, so he went up on his roof and stripped.
He fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a sunburn everywhere, even on his d**k. He puts lotion on it, wraps it up and gets ready for his date.
The blonde comes over, and they make dinner. They're watching a movie when the sunburn on the guy's d**k really starts to hurt. He excuses himself to the kitchen, where he pours milk on his d**k to alleviate the burn.
The blonde, who has followed him, peeks in the kitchen and says to herself, "So that's how they load them."
Two blondes find a mirror on the sidewalk.
The first blonde picks it up, looks into it and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before."
The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it and says, "Duh! Of course you have -- that's me!"
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, ''What are you carrying?''
''Melons,'' the blonde replies.
''Cool," the guy says. "If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?''
The blonde giggles and says, ''If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them.''
A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."